WARNING: VENTING

I'm sick of doing everything and not having any help or anytime for me. I don't need to be thanked, I just need what I do to be respected.
I wish I had the faith that other people have.
I hate doubt
I hate change
I wish I didn't run from situations
I wish I made different choices in my life sometimes
I'm sick of being alone constantly
I'm sick of not liking the way I look
I'm sick of being away from family
I hate that I can't have my mom go for a drive and come visit
I hate that I can't Logan running around my parents yard picking peaches with grandpa and apples.
I hate that Logan won't be able to dress up and go to his grandparents for his first halloween.
I hate that he's going to spend his first birthday with just me
I hate that I'll be alone with just Logan for Thanksgiving
I hate that my grandparents could die before we come back and Logan won't be able to have anytime with them...
I wish my family would be there when he starts walking
I wish we could go to family's houses on Sunday
I hate that he won't know who people are
I hate that he'll miss the traditional egg hunt at grandma heslop's house
I hate that he'll miss being close to cousins.
I wish I could hug my brother.
I miss Logan utah.
I miss Pleasant View
I miss my mom
I miss my dad
I miss my brother
I miss my friends
I miss having the option of calling a friend and going to see them.
I miss going out for ice cream at Charlies late at night
I hate not having a car
I hate having to be so careful with money
I hate doing the dishes
I hate doing laundry
I hate picking up a mess just to have it undone by everyone else
I hate things being my fault
I miss feeling completely safe and not worrying that someone is going to break in my house
I hate feeling on edge
I hate having my heart race every time I hear a noise
I hate feeling scared
I'm sick of feeling like I have to watch my back everywhere I go
I'm sick of hearing about murders
I miss the mountains
I miss picking pumpkins with my family
I miss cookouts on the farm
I miss my family bringing me gala apples because my dad planted that tree for me
I'm sick of not being able to garden
I hate that I can't go and talk to my neighbors on their porch
I miss hot chocolate and a movie with my mom
I miss watching snow fall from my window back home
I miss going to school
I miss running into people I know
I hate feeling alone
I wish I looked like other women
I wish I didn't have zits
I wish I was skinny
I wish I was understood
I wish I was a better artist
I hate that my knees hurt according to the weather
I hate feeling hurt
I wish I could trust people
I wish... I wish I didn't have these feelings
I am okay though.