Starting the Day

Nothing better than starting your day with a 5K. We did a 5K this morning for charity. It was a lot of fun. Logan really enjoyed himself. He got pushed in his stroller the whole time (yes, we ran with the normal stroller instead of the jogging one because I didn't think to bring it) and he was able to eat cheerios to his hearts content. We had a blast and grateful to start the day off with a little exercise.
I've been missing Logan, Utah a lot today. The Aggies (GO USU!) won tonight. It's so awesome to watch them but when I do it reminds me of how far away from there I really am. How much I wish I was at the game. How much I miss it... wondering what it's like there. I see my friends posting all these pictures and they look so happy. I wish that's how I felt. I'm happy, I guess I'm still just adjusting. You know? They started doing the winning team cheer and I felt like my heart was going to explode and nearly started crying.
I've started to actually draw real things. I'm doing a lot of family portraits of people I know. I pretty much just stalk facebook until I see a happy sweet family picture of someone and draw it. It's kinda fun and definitely gets me back into practicing art.
I finally got to watch some movies! I finally saw Batman, Hunger Games and Brave so far. LOVED THEM! (Brave is a good little kid show that I think you really need every once in a while.) I finally understand what everyone was talking about... just a few months late. Oh well, at least I saw them, right?
Other than what I said, I've pretty much just been trying to keep up on the house work and bills. I feel like with as much work as I get done, I turn around and there is so much more that still needs to be done. It's like it never ends. Oh well. At least I can stay up on it for the most part. Except when I run out of dish-soap and end up just having a whole bunch of pans sitting in my sink. I'll do them tomorrow. Maybe.

As of Lately

As of lately, I've had a few songs stuck in my head. They are some good ones that I really enjoy. So, for your pleasure here they are. (Yes I have kinda been on a Katy Perry craze.)









and as always... A song constantly in my head...

Untitled

So I should probably be doing something productive but instead, I'm trying to make a movie on iDVD and it's taking FOREVER!
Okay so now that I got all of that previous post out of my system I'm back to my good ol' happy self :) <-- see? I wanted to make brownies today... again... I decided instead I would make caramel popcorn. It's healthier right? Wrong, I think. One of the key recipe ingredients is sweetened condensed milk. in 2 tbps there are 130 calories and there are 10 servings in the can. That's a total of 13,000 calories... thank goodness I'm not eating the whole thing... yet. Logan is doing great! He is starting to stand up on his own (trying to at least. It doesn't last very long) and yesterday, he took a step. He took a step and then he fell. He didn't fall and took a step, oh no! It was an actual step! My little boy is growing up so fast! I can't believe how wonderful he is. He gives me the most love that I've ever felt. Given, he can also frustrate me to no end but he always makes up for it by crawling up to me and snuggling into me then looking up at me with his bright blue eyes and smiling. Melts my heart and I can't help but smile right back. I love when it's his bath time. at 8 I look at him and say, "Logan, do you want to go get in the bath?" and his eyes light up and he starts crawling to the bathroom. As soon as that water turns on he is standing up next to the tub jumping up and down and so excited! we get him all ready for bed and as I'm putting him down in his crib I give him 5 kisses and say, "I love you Logan. Sleep well" and he smiles and snuggles his little tiger and starts singing himself to sleep. What a kid. He's perfect. He's my everything. I love him so much. On a side note, I feel like my house is a mess. I feel like I can't catch up with the house ever since Labor Day weekend. I have started my art up again. Which is something that I should probably be working on but with art, as in life, you have to be in the mood to produce anything worth while. My wisdom teeth are coming in. Yes, I am this old and still haven't gotten them out. The one on my bottom right side is and has been KILLING me for a few days now. I'm just praying that I don't need to have them out. Not while I'm out here. Not without someone to take care of me and watch Logan. I just don't know how much longer I can last. My whole jaw hurts and my gum is swollen. I'm worried so we'll see what happens. We had a play date today. We went to a park with a group of other mom's and kids. It was sure nice to get out of the house and talk to adults and let Logan play with some other kids. I get worried sometimes that he's not going to know how to interact with others because he isn't around them very much. I'm sure he'll be fine though. Well, that's all for tonight. Here is a picture of my snuggly guy. He likes soft things.

WARNING: VENTING

I'm sick of doing everything and not having any help or anytime for me. I don't need to be thanked, I just need what I do to be respected.
I wish I had the faith that other people have.
I hate doubt
I hate change
I wish I didn't run from situations
I wish I made different choices in my life sometimes
I'm sick of being alone constantly
I'm sick of not liking the way I look
I'm sick of being away from family
I hate that I can't have my mom go for a drive and come visit
I hate that I can't Logan running around my parents yard picking peaches with grandpa and apples.
I hate that Logan won't be able to dress up and go to his grandparents for his first halloween.
I hate that he's going to spend his first birthday with just me
I hate that I'll be alone with just Logan for Thanksgiving
I hate that my grandparents could die before we come back and Logan won't be able to have anytime with them...
I wish my family would be there when he starts walking
I wish we could go to family's houses on Sunday
I hate that he won't know who people are
I hate that he'll miss the traditional egg hunt at grandma heslop's house
I hate that he'll miss being close to cousins.
I wish I could hug my brother.
I miss Logan utah.
I miss Pleasant View
I miss my mom
I miss my dad
I miss my brother
I miss my friends
I miss having the option of calling a friend and going to see them.
I miss going out for ice cream at Charlies late at night
I hate not having a car
I hate having to be so careful with money
I hate doing the dishes
I hate doing laundry
I hate picking up a mess just to have it undone by everyone else
I hate things being my fault
I miss feeling completely safe and not worrying that someone is going to break in my house
I hate feeling on edge
I hate having my heart race every time I hear a noise
I hate feeling scared
I'm sick of feeling like I have to watch my back everywhere I go
I'm sick of hearing about murders
I miss the mountains
I miss picking pumpkins with my family
I miss cookouts on the farm
I miss my family bringing me gala apples because my dad planted that tree for me
I'm sick of not being able to garden
I hate that I can't go and talk to my neighbors on their porch
I miss hot chocolate and a movie with my mom
I miss watching snow fall from my window back home
I miss going to school
I miss running into people I know
I hate feeling alone
I wish I looked like other women
I wish I didn't have zits
I wish I was skinny
I wish I was understood
I wish I was a better artist
I hate that my knees hurt according to the weather
I hate feeling hurt
I wish I could trust people
I wish... I wish I didn't have these feelings
I am okay though.

artwork

Yes, this was done by me and I honestly have no idea where it came from. I picked up a pen there it went. I actually liked it though and was surprised. (Mom, if you see this, don't worry okay? lol) If she sees this she may pass out. (Just kidding mom, you understand the irony) LOVE YOU MOM!

Beef

So I am starting to be a health-nut (trying is a better word). I don't eat hardly any meat anymore. So I've cut out a lot of meat, no longer drinking milk and trying to eat organic. I don't know if it's really better for you but in all honestly I feel pretty good. (don't get me wrong, if I get the opportunity I'm still going to have a steak or hamburger... no cheeseburger.) But I made the mistake of getting two Mcdoubles today. (no onions as usual) and so by the middle of the second one I started smelling the beef... started actually feeling like I was eating a cow. (I mean it, it tasted like farm and I would know, I grew up on a beef ranch.) So that put a damper on my meat splurge.
On a lighter note, I saw a deer today. Not just one either. It had two little babies following it. So cute. Ok well, here is some pictures of my perfect little boy

He loves his sunglasses.

Look how big he is getting! love this kid.

Fall

So I believe fall has officially started. (Now it's official since I lit my fall candles (my friends talked me into it 2 days before I was going actually going to light them (don't tell them I think they're right.))) Anyway so Logan and I walked to the grocery store today. The local Giant. It's our traditional weekly pilgrimage. We go and get milk, bread, baby food, cheese today we got diapers. Yah, we keep busy. Although, he looses his patience before I do and I have to keep him entertained with Cherrios. That's okay tho cause then I get some too and usually get me a little treat at the store. Today it was a diet coke. I've had a headache all day but what are you gonna do. I don't really take medicine. I'm more of the oil type of person. I didn't take any medication (other than tums) my entire pregnancy and I'm pretty proud about that. Here are some pictures from today.

He's my little buddy. He's giving me a kiss in the last one. I love his kisses even though they are big and sloppy. It makes my job worth it. Sometimes I get frustrated and I want to just lie down but I think that's when Logan realizes I need him. He comes up and gives me a little love with his hugs or a kiss. We love building blocks, well I do. He loves knocking them over but I will always re stack them because I love stacking blocks. Sad to say but it could probably keep me entertained for an hour if I had enough of them.
Ok, so my big boy is 9 months old. CRAZY RIGHT?! Yah he's been alive as long as I was pregnant with him. Seems it's gone by a lot faster than the pregnancy. (although that went pretty fast for the most part too.) We were sitting out on the balcony today looking over our beautiful view at the leaves and watching cars go by in the parking lot and I couldn't believe how much this kid looks like me.

So although this picture of me is from when I was like 2 or 3 months old you can see the resemblance. I was looking for one where we were closer in age but I don't seem to have it on my computer. Oh well. Needless to say, he's my boy. Although, he has the lightest blue eyes I have ever seen. they are much lighter than mine ever were. I love his blonde hair. He's got this natural mohawk going on where it's long on the top (like a good 3 in.) and about an in. long going down the center of the back. the rest is mostly short. It's so adorable if I do say so myself. Which I do. We're finally on a schedule which we haven't been on his entire life mostly because of me working and doing school. I have to say that I like it. We aren't crazy strict like we'll push naps and stuff if we have somewhere to go, but for the most part we know what the day is going to be like. Even though I feel like he's going to switch it up here on me soon. Thankfully he's sleeping through the night now. It helps that he isn't sleeping in the same room as me anymore.

NERD

Ok, I am a nerd. I love correcting people's papers. I know you wouldn't understand this from reading my blog because I'm so scatter brained and throw punctuation and sometimes, spelling out the window. But! (see there is a big no no lol) (so is that) anyway, I got to correct and go over a pharmacy debate paper last night and ended up staying up till one. (it doesn't help that the girl who wrote it obviously only completed two years of college and I'm guessing her high school wasn't that into essay construction either) there were these random... air bunnies... through out the paper. for example she kept putting "random quotations" in the paper for emphasis and started out the essay with a, "Imagine Nataline....". That got my attention from the beginning. Not in a good way. So yes, I was up till one doing surgery on a paper. looking up sources they had put in because they were scattered and in the wrong places. etc etc etc. And I loved it. Not to toot my own horn but I kick butt at writing papers. Always have and I'm proud of it. The more imaginative writing is where I struggle which is weird since I'm so artsy. Guess I have to use some of my left brain. ;)

Glee

Okay, I will admit it. I love glee. Music has so many....things... in it. it's like music and the arts can talk to you on so many different levels that normal conversation can't express. It produces this feeling that I can only describe as a train hitting you head on and ripping of an outer shell of yourself to reveal some super hero inside that is ready to burst into song. (wow deep right? feel free to roll your eyes here) I don't know if it's something wrong with me but I've heard it's a symptom of A.D.D. but I get so into movies and Television shows that sometimes I feel like I'm in them. (Ask my friends, I'm either the greatest person to watch something with or it's worst enemy) ANYWAY! This past episode of glee I understood immensely... I feel like Rachel in New York. She said exactly how I am feeling. So thank goodness for pop culture and their ability to put feelings into words. Well, Goodnight.
I Love You

Single Momularity

Yes, Momularity. I just made up that word. It's a word that means the act of being a mother in a specific situation. In this case, in singleness. And it is hard work. I have a much greater respect for single mothers. Especially single mothers without a car. For me, my radius from my apartment here in maryland is a grand total of 1.5 miles with Logan. (further if I'm running and he's fallen asleep) but yes. 1.5 miles in one direction with our destination at the end is my son's limit and that's with taking him out and carrying him for the last .25 of the trip. Oh well, strong muscles right? I have to say tho. That with taking care of a house, the bills, and a son there isn't any time for me. I'm gonna be honest here. I'm lucky if I can change out of my pajamas for the day. Thank goodness for naps and Sesame Street. They give me an hour to catch up on dishes. So, here I am at 12:00. Still up, not wanting to go to bed and thinking... I have to get up in the morning hopefully Logan will sleep till 8. The house is quiet now tho. Logan is in bed and I have the living room all to myself. It's nice. I guess that's why I'm staying up.
I finally picked up a pencil and began drawing again today. First time since graduation that I actually just doodled. The picture kinda tells a lot about how I'm feeling in life and I didn't even realize it until I was done and looked at it a minute.

Yah that explains how my life is now... But no, I do not have a cat.
Well, I guess I better get some shut eye for the time being. Goodnight.
Love you.

Blatimore

So, we made it to Baltimore and so did all of our stuff. For the most part in one piece. Logan was amazing on the plane and slept the majority of the time. He has a great demeanor. It has been wicked hot and humid the last little bit but today I walked outside and we have officially gone into Fall weather within a day. Thankfully I found some clothes for Logan out here so he has himself some fancy long pants and shirts.

Can I just say that this kid is into EVERYTHING. He is a little trouble maker. A cute trouble maker but one for sure. Whenever I take my eyes off of him for a second I suddenly hear crashes in the other room because he is into the cupboard pulling out all of my nice clean pans. Decided we needed to put a rubber band (tacky I know) around the handles of the cupboards under the sink because that's where I keep the cleaners and it turned out that after the pan cupboard, under the sink was his favorite to climb into.

I sure do love my little guy. I can't believe he is 9 months old today.... That's as long as I was pregnant with him (which seemed to go on FOREVER. This went by to fast) He's starting to stand by himself. He can do it but then falls when he realizes I'm no longer holding onto him. I love this little boy. He's starting to throw a ball and we play catch. Maybe He'll play baseball one day. He seems to love it and will watch the O's play. He also likes football and throwing things. Don't you just love my lil blonde hair blue eyed boy? I smile everytime I look at him. He reminds me of home.
Happy 9 months logan!