Exhaustion

So it's 9:49 at night and my eye lids are already tired. It's amazing how exhausting being a mom is. You know, Today was a hard day. Not that Logan was overly hard, it was just hard on me. I want to start off by saying, I love my son dearly. He makes me so happy and I love him with all my heart. But... by the time I had made him spit crayons out of his mouth for the ump-teenth time and rewound the toilet paper once again. I may or may not have said, "I don't want to be a mom anymore!" I completely didn't mean it of course. It's one of those things that completely slipped out without me thinking. So of course I feel horrible and the look on Logan's face.... (I don't know if he understood EXACTLY what I was saying but I know he could tell a little bit....) It just made me want to cry. For some reason though, I still couldn't pull myself out of the stupid rut I've been in all day today. So of course, even though I would LOVE to lose some weight and be healthy and fit, I made chocolate chip cookies. It's amazing what baking does for the soul. I think I even slightly made up for my little out burst earlier when I snuck Logan some cookie dough and he gave me HUGE kisses and hugs and even a double pat on the back. That made me feel pretty good. It's amazing how even though I screw up and, what I feel like, am the worst mother in the history of the world, Logan forgives me so easily. So when I was putting him to bed tonight, I just had to hold him after he fell asleep and kiss his sweet little chubby cheeks and whisper to him how sorry I am and how kind he is and how sweet and loving. I guess what I'm trying to say is that being a mom is hard! Like I knew it would be hard, but I could have never guessed how hard. It's the most rewarding and emotionally taxing job in the universe!!!!!!!!! I see mom's out there that seem so put together and openly love their kids and have them with them all the time etc etc etc. I have to just keep telling myself that they have bad days too and I only see the good. I'm just glad that kids are so forgiving and that a little bit of cookie dough can make up for unintentional harsh words.